Pause. Think. Go.

Flash back

It was several years ago that I met him on a Bombay Walk - the ones where they take you around to see and learn about the colonial aspects of S.Bombay. He was a journalist working for a well-known newspaper and I liked his articles on the art and culture of the city. I was happy to see him and for an opportunity to talk to him about his work. So I walked up alongside, introduced myself and told him how much I admired his articles.

'Which article?' he asked.

I mumbled something like. 'Er...I do not remember which one exactly....but...but....

To which he snapped back, 'You haven't read my articles.'

Though I  had genuinely meant my appreciation of his work, as often happens when asked specifically what, you tend to fumble for words. You are hard put to explain what it is you have liked. For, it is just a feeling you have about the person or the work they do.

The person you have expressed your admiration for, thinks your inability to express the feeling is a sign of your insincerity.

Flash forward 

Even after all the decades that have passed since the incident, I still remember the experience with an acute sense of embarrassment. It was Carl Buehner who said, 'They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.' And his words describe the experience perfectly! 

I think the words of Buehner are particularly relevant in today's lockdown times, when cooped up at home, we tend to spend inordinately long periods of times on social media. Given the large number of posts and messages we have to go through, and the conversations we have on them, it is wise to remember to be careful with our responses. Given the urge to respond quickly to messages, we tend to overlook the feelings our words are likely convey to the receiver. Especially so with the abbreviated words we tend to use to save time and even with the emojis which we choose to respond with.

So before you  respond to messages on the social media, remember to;

•  Pause
• Think - spend a few moments rereading what you have written. 
• Does the language you have employed, convey exactly what you have in your mind? 
• How is it likely to make the receiver feel? Remember, your words may very well have an impact on the nature of your relationship with him or her.
  
• Go - press the Send button.
  

 

 

 

Our Wonderful Senses

Have you ever wondered why you say clip clop and not clop clip, ding dong, not dong ding, or dilly dally and not dally dilly? You might say, it just doesn't sound right and you will be correct in your statement. We all happen to know this rule without knowing it. According to the BBC, the operating but unsaid rule of language at work here is called Ablautreduplication.

The unsaid rule has it that if there are three words, they have to go in the order I, A, O. If there are two words, I is followed by either A or O.

This made me wonder about our sixth sense which tells us when something is 'wrong' inside or outside of us. A niggling feeling tells us a certain order, rule or pattern is just not right. Often, we can't name it, but we know it is there.

All our five senses individually, or together, contribute to producing these feelings similar to what happens in the case of Ablautreduplication. Notice how while listening to a piece of music, we feel it doesn't sound right?

Or when we see someone smile, we instinctively feel we can or cannot trust him/her?

Our sense of smell and taste too, are often trying to tell us that something is right  or not right.

What contributes to this phenomenon? Is it an 'inner voice', a unconsciously trained instinct, or is it some wisdom gained from similar past experiences?

Whatever it maybe, but for now, I am just going to step back, take a deep breath and surrender and be in awe of that wondrous Creator who designed it all.