Emotional Intelligence

Speaking about the making of her recent film Talvaar,  filmmaker Meghna Gulzar says for her, it was curiosity that triggered  the immediate, spontaneous urge to do the film.  Emotions started coming in during her research on the story. But she shut them down when when working and discussing the script with Vishal Bhardwaj and during the making of the film. Now that the film has been released, emotions are coming back.  And she is letting them.
#MyLearning
Emotions can lend sharpness and acuity to our thinking. They can also lead us astray by making us act in impulsive and unwanted ways. Wisdom lies in knowing when to engage with our emotions and when to keep them in check.

Overcoming Fear

Sandeep Aggarwal, founder of startup Droom, is paranoid about physical contact with people. Even when people put cake on his face on his birthday, he regarded it as an encroachment of his privacy, He recalled  the activities he did back when he was in Microsoft, which had helped him build lifetime relationships with his team members. So he organized a cake - smashing session for his team - hurling 250 pastries and 50 cakes at each other. himself included.

#MyLearning
Fear of fear can come in the way of building  lasting relationships, or delivering our best. To overcome fear, - confront it.

Enemy of Excellence

In a recent TV commercial,  a father and son go to a prospective bride's place to see her. When the girl enters the room, the boy looks at the picture he had been given of her earlier, finds a mismatch and tells the father so. The father tries to mollify the son with 'unees bees chalta hai', or, minor differences are to be condoned.
#MyLearning
Can our ingrained Indian habit of settling for 'unees bees' or second best, letting price and crude functionality win over quality, the 'chalta hai' attitude come in the way of our goal to become the manufacturing destination of the world?

Learning in New Ways

Faced with the problem of excessive product failures, Rajiv Bajaj turned to unlikely places to glean management lessons. Places such as yoga, homeopathy & even philosophers, like Seneca & Confucius. Yoga taught him that "a posture without a sound position is a monkey on the mat. (Similarly) a brand without a sound position is a commodity in the market."

#MyLearning
When stuck with a problem, think out-of-the-box - look for solutions outside of your industry or field of work. The metaphors & analogies from the learning and practice, drive home the lessons of key imperatives in powerful ways.

A Phased Approach to Goal-Setting

David Berg, COO Carlson Hospitality and Travel Co. uses a phased approach to goals; Core goals are the short term success measures for the next 12 months where he puts the maximum amount of his resources. Optimization goals are those where success measures 12-18 months out and where he puts a modest amount of resources. The Transformation goals are ideas to explore with impact beyond 18-24 months, here he puts a small amount of resources.

#MyLearning
By giving our goals labels that indicate the meaning they have for us, we invest them with a clarity and urgency that can shape the nature of our priorities, and extent of our responses.

Picture: mattaboutmoney.com

The Relationship Dance

"Love is not the only emotion felt between a mother and child.  The relationship is like a dance - sometimes you are close, sometimes you pull away;  there is passion, anger and forgiveness;  and much like a dance,  the relationship will end one day." - Anita Ratnam, Indian classical dancer.

#MyLearning
Every relationship goes through the motions of this very dance - whether personal or professional. While relationships with no expectations attached are the most lasting, it is good to occasionally reflect on what a relationship means to us - what emotional sustenance does it provide us?  Does it make me feel wanted? Does it give me joy and happiness? Does it insire and motivate?  And more such questions. The idea being not to treat the relationship a transaction,  but to make us aware of it's importance in our lives.

Picture: aninception.com

God Has No Religion

During his stay in S. Africa, Gandhiji studied and was influenced by Islamic & Christian religous texts. From Islam he picked up the concept of jihad, which he interpreted as commitment to a cause & even giving one's life for it. From Christianity,  he learned about 'turning the other cheek.' He  distilled his understanding of these thoughts to come up with 'Satygraha' or 'truthforce' which was to bring India It's freedom and Gandhij the title of Mahatma.
#MyLearning
We read the same texts but each of us interprets it differently. This fact has to be understood,  acknowledged and leveraged for peace and amity in the world

Why a Coach?

Vishal Gondal bought different fitness bands and apps to keep fit but none helped him achieve his goals.
Till he met a coach.
The coach began asking him for his data and started tracking what he was doing and how he was doing, on a regular basis. With this regular tracking and monitoring by the coach - who wouldn't meet him on a daily basis - he managed to remain committed to the daily targets. His learning; technology alone cannot achieve fitness goals, human interface and engagement is equally important to achieve necessary results.
#Learning
If fitness goals are hard to achieve on one's own, what of life and business goals? Being on our own and lacking the expert advice of a coach results in limited engagement with our goals, limited reinforcement and limited motivation and therefore,  failure to achieve them. Ultimately It is not about setting goals, it is about how much of an impact their successful achievement has on the health of your business and the happiness of your people.

Importance of Discovering Our True Purpose

In the movie Everest, Rob Hall, the expedition leader, addresses his group of climbers on the evening before the climb to base camp. He asks them why they want to climb Everest and the group choruses the cliché, 'because it's there'! He tells them he wants the real answer and then Doug Hanson speaks up. He explains that he wants to prove to people back home how he, an ordinary mailman, can do extraordinary things.

#MyLearning
More often than not, our true purpose in life is hidden under layers of conflicting and apparently real reasons to explain why we do what we do. Once we discover our true purpose, then it opens the door to infinite possibilities.
A coach can help in the journey to discovery.

What to Do When Stuck

It is no good getting furious if you get stuck. What I do is keep thinking about the problem but work on something else. Sometimes it is years before I see the way forward. In the case of information loss and black holes it was 29 years.

#MyLearning
When stuck, it is a good idea to surrender yourself to your subconscious mind. Many solutions to niggling problems come to you during the 'Brahmakalam', the early morning hours between 3 and 5 when, acording to Hindu scriptures Brahma's consort Saraswati, the Godess of knowledge, resides in the brain. In other words the mind is at it's best. - Stephen Hawking

Living Life with Positivity

Stephen Hawking was 21 when he was diagnosed with a rare motor neuron disease that made him wheelchair-bound and having to talk through a computerised voice. He is now 73 and one of the foremost physicists alive. His advice to people with disability is,  "concentrate on things that your disability doesn't prevent you doing well and don't regret the things it interferes with. Don't be disabled in spirit, as well as physically."

#MyLearning
Life throws many challenges at us. Some we overcome successfully and others we have to cope with. Focusing on things we can do and control, and attempting to push the boundaries on them without fear, can help us be positive in mind and spirit.

Leaders Build Cultures

Warren Buffett has often noted that you build a reputation over years and decades, but you destroy it in a blink of an eye,. Well, Volkswagen just blinked.
The most critical work of an incoming CEO may be to rebuild and overhaul the culture where this sort of deception occurred, says Charles Elson, a governance expert.

#Viewpoint
The Volkswagen case is a rude reminder of the role leaders in creating organizational culture. Employee performance is a function of assumptions & behaviours leaders encourage, promote, or turn a blind eye to. And these assumptions and behaviours drive the results.

4 Ways Leisure Pursuits Can Provide a ROI

 “I’ve realized that somebody who is tired and needs rest, and goes on working all the same”, is a fool” - Carl Jung.

We live in a highly competitive world where employees have high material and professional aspirations. Many work at jobs that demand global business interactions, which keep them up at unearthly hours. To them any leisure activity may only seem at best like a dream, or worst, an unproductive use of time. Not just that, but any mention or suggestion to spend time on them, is likely to elicit a response such as the one below

Carl Jung's words notwithstanding.

But what if they knew that leisure activities could teach them valuable skills which could be assets to them in other their work, as well as other dimensions of their lives? What if they realized that the returns on them could be disproportionate to the amount of time invested?  Would it then make it a worthwhile investment for them?

Well, 'show me the ROIers', (and also others) read on and decide for yourself: 
1. ROI: Leadership and Negotiations Skills
Activity: Essaji Vahanavati, son of former Attorney General of India is a young partner at a reputed law firm. He is passionate about wildlife photography. Benefits: His leisure activity has ingrained in him the virtues of patience; given him an eye for detail; and taught him to stay cool in critical situations. During transactions, he can patiently wait for others to put their point on the table and at the same time quickly grasp the matter and come out with solutions. This has earned him the respect of senior partners at the law firm.

2. ROI: Importance of Making the Journey the Destination

Activity: World Bank economist Kaushik Basu spent his leisure time working on a longer method to prove what Pythagoras proved 2600 years ago. In a right angle triangle, the sum of the square of two sides equals the square of the hypotenuse.  
Benefits: To justify the new and longer proof,  he invokes the Greek poem Ithaca, which describes the long journey to Odysseus' home island. The island,  the poet Cavafy says, is disappointing, but Ithaca's charm is in the journey itself.

3. ROI: Patience
Activity: Stock market man Ramesh Damani has a thing for dough which made him seek out baking and attend a week's bakery course in Paris. 
Benefit: Asked for the similarity between brokers and bakers, Damani's reply is, "Both like the feel of dough....and both (investment and baking) need a lot of patience."

4. ROI: Inspiration

Activity: For geniuses, a routine was more than a luxury - it was essential for their work. Charles Dickens took three hour walks every afternoon, while Beethoven took lengthy strolls after lunch.

Benefits: For Charles Dickens what he observed on his walks, fed directly into his writing, while Beethoven carried a paper and pencil with him in case inspiration struck. 

Call to Action
Leisure activities can be both both satisfying and capable of building and honing useful skills and virtues. Discovering the parts between your profession and your hobbies which are similar, or support the other can help you get satisfying returns.

Dealing with Complex Times

During his childhood days, says Sri Lankan PM Ranil Wickramasinghe, having a phone connection was considered a status symbol and since his family was influential, they soon had two telephones which further elevated their status.  Now, he says, things have changed in his country and he is the only one in the family who does not have a cellphone.

#Learning
Life is becoming more complex, and every new technology, tool or device has it's uses - ranging from improved efficiency to increased self-esteem. Asking ourself why and what questions on the benefits of ownership can save us money, time and stress.

Enjoy the Journey

World Bank economist Kaushik Basu has found another new and longer method to prove what Pythagoras proved 2600 years ago - that in a right angle triangle, the sum of the square of two sides equals the square of the hypotenuse.

#Learning
"I treat this as my hobby.  I do it for fun", says Basu. To justify the new and longer proof,  he invokes the Greek poem Ithaca, which describes the long journey to Odysseus' home island. The island,  the poet Cavafy says, is disappointing, but Ithaca's charm is in the journey itself.

Commit to the Process

In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna advises to not let the fruit of action be our motive. Cartoonist Scott Adams, puts it as committing to a process, and not a goal.

Karl - John Persson,  CEO of H&M, may have that thought in mind when asked about his brand's targets for India. He said, "We never say, 'Let's reach amounts of stores or this sales target.' We want to deliver something fantastic for the customer. If we do that well,  the selling will come."

Leander Paes too must have thought along similar lines when he shared that all he does with doubles partner Martina Hingis is to keep her happy and relaxed. The tennis takes care of itself to produce wins such as the Wimbledon doubles championship.

Daily Fundamentals

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” - Zen Saying

The message, according to college lacrosse coach John Brubaker is that consistent execution of fundamentals over time is the key to success. In ancient times you chopped wood to make fire and carried water for drinking; and if you didn’t, you wouldn’t survive, never mind thrive. What are the high-value fundamentals you yourself must execute daily to ensure prosperity? Possible examples are:
^ Responding to all emails the same day they come in.
^ Returning all phone calls by the close of business that day
^ Waking up and going to bed at the same time
^ Exercising daily during lunch hour

So what are your preferred 'chop and carry' fundamentals?

The Path of Four-Way Wins

Stewart Friedman, founding director of Wharton's Leadership Program and the Work/Life Integration Project,  recommends pursuing the path of four-way wins. The path comprises practical steps to making things demonstrably better in four domains of of our life,  at work,  at home, in our community and our private life. To begin, do a quick  review to explore: what's important to you,  where you focus your attention and how things are going in each of the four domains. Use some of the the thoughts and experiences of the people given below, help to generate ideas for experiments to better align what matters to you to what you actually do. Design experiments in which you are deliberately aiming to improve your performance and results in each of the four domains.

    1.   Expand your Knowledge

Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert cartoons, believes, every adult must have working knowledge of; Public speaking, Psychology, Business writing, Accountancy, Design (the basics), Conversation, Overcoming shyness, Second language, Proper grammar, Persuasion, Technology (hobby level) and Proper voice technique.

       2.   Declutter you Mind

"To compose, I need to be happy and to have free mind space, " says A.R. Rahman the Oscar winning music composer, and Leander Paes, winner of the US Open Mixed Doubles title along with Martina Hingis says, "if I can keep Martina happy,  if I can keep her relaxed,  the tennis I don't even have to worry about. "

Focusing our motivation results in our single-minded immersion and harnessing of our emotions into performing and learning. The emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand.

     3.     Dance with your Emotions
"A relationship is like a dance,  says Indian classical dancer Anita Ratnam, "sometimes you are close, sometimes you pull away;  there is passion, anger and forgiveness;  and much like a dance,  the relationship will end one day." 

Every relationship has its share of a range of emotions - most, if not all are impermanent, changing with time, context and our personal and mental growth. Let us make the best of our relationships in our time in the world.

     4.    Accept the Past

"Not surprisingly,  I find myself thinking about that slippery substance - the past - and the infinite variety of human attempts to make peace with it.  The impulse to freeze it into tradition,  to tame into verity,  these are common options.  But just as readily available is that other inconvenient choice,  so seldom exercised - the choice to wonder at it,  too accept it's essential non- graspability." Arundhati Subramaniam in book review of Keki N Daruwala's book Fire Altar in HT

      5.   Accept your Ignorance

"Belief means something that you do not know. You want to assume and bring a certainty to something that you do not know. says Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev.  "That means you are concretising your ignorance.  There is no need to know everything.  What I know, I know. What I do not know I do not know."

       6.    Establish a Routine

For geniuses, a routine was more than a luxury - it was essential for their work…Charles Dickens took three hours walks every afternoon - and what he observed on them fed directly into his writing. Tchaikovsky made do with two hour walks, but wouldn’t return a moment early, convinced that cheating himself of the full 120 minutes would make him ill. Beethoven took lengthy strolls after lunch, carrying a paper and pencil with him in case inspiration struck. Ernest Hemingway tracked his daily word output on a chart “so as not to kid myself”. Arthur Miller said, “I don't believe in draining the reservoir you see? I believe in getting up from the typewriter, away from it,  while I have still things to say.” 

        7.    Measure What You Can Control

Film director Ashutosh Gowarikar's advice to  actor Abhishek Bacchan - do not measure your success by how your film fares at the box office - because that is not within your control.  Measure your success by how you fared with the goals you set yourself for the film. Their success is within your control.

         8.     Be Resilient
"The hardest time to Captain the team is when your are not scoring runs and that's when your character and of leader you are outweighs your own form. The team needs the Captain to be a strong person who enjoys other people's success and sees the bigger picture. " Brendon McCullum, New Zealand skipper.

         9.      Create Lasting Emotional Bonds 

"In every situation, says Deepak Chopra, make it a habit to ask the key questions of emotional intelligence: How do I feel? How do they feel? What are the hidden stumbling blocks? A leader who can answer these questions will be in a position to create lasting emotional bonds.” 

Call to Action

The result of undertaking the practice of the four-way win is a greater sense of control and freedom living in ways that are consistent with what you're passionate about, what you really care about. When people take even a small step that's under their control, that's intentional and that's in a direction that they choose, they feel better about their lives and about the people they're affecting with their actions on a daily basis.

Focused Motivation

"To compose, I need to be happy and to have free mind space, " says A.R. Rahman the Oscar winning music composer. While Leander Paes, who won the US Open Mixed Doubles title along with Martina Hingis says, "if I can keep Martina happy,  if I can keep her relaxed,  the tennis I don't even have to worry about. "

#MyLearning
Focusing our motivation results in our single-minded immersion and harnessing of our emotions into performing and learning. The emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand.

Power of Intention

It was my son Sooraj's 12th birthday and I was feeling guilty that I had to attend an urgent meeting out of town.  So, I was at the Delhi airport. My flight had been announced but the since the queue was long,  I decided to continue to wait for some time.

Finally, the queue had thinned and I rose from my seat.  Just then I spied a tall imposing man with a shawl wrapped around his shoulders striding regally towards a seat. It was superstar Amithab Bachhan! The last of the passengers had walked out of the gate to board the plane, just then, a thought struck me;  why not I take Amitji's autograph as a gift to Sooraj? I quickly retraced my steps and headed towards where Amitji was sitting.  But my țhroat was dry and my steps faltering!  I seemed to have been struck by a sudden bout of nervousness! Regardless,  I went up to him, and croaked, "Sir, could you give me your autograph? " and stuck out a piece of paper from my pocket. "Certainly", he said. "... and please say,  happy birtday,  Sooraj, as your message*. He duly wrote the message and handed it back to me with a smile. 

On my return a few days later,  I gifted this 'special message for Sooraj from Amithab Bachhan" to him He was very happy! I do not know whether Sooraj still preserves that piece of paper,  but I still preserve the memory of it. For it demonstrated to me that if your power of intent is strong and emotional ( guilt of being not present on son's birthday), one can overcome one's weaknesses ( my terrible nervousness! ).