The Path of Four-Way Wins

Stewart Friedman, founding director of Wharton's Leadership Program and the Work/Life Integration Project,  recommends pursuing the path of four-way wins. The path comprises practical steps to making things demonstrably better in four domains of of our life,  at work,  at home, in our community and our private life. To begin, do a quick  review to explore: what's important to you,  where you focus your attention and how things are going in each of the four domains. Use some of the the thoughts and experiences of the people given below, help to generate ideas for experiments to better align what matters to you to what you actually do. Design experiments in which you are deliberately aiming to improve your performance and results in each of the four domains.

    1.   Expand your Knowledge

Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert cartoons, believes, every adult must have working knowledge of; Public speaking, Psychology, Business writing, Accountancy, Design (the basics), Conversation, Overcoming shyness, Second language, Proper grammar, Persuasion, Technology (hobby level) and Proper voice technique.

       2.   Declutter you Mind

"To compose, I need to be happy and to have free mind space, " says A.R. Rahman the Oscar winning music composer, and Leander Paes, winner of the US Open Mixed Doubles title along with Martina Hingis says, "if I can keep Martina happy,  if I can keep her relaxed,  the tennis I don't even have to worry about. "

Focusing our motivation results in our single-minded immersion and harnessing of our emotions into performing and learning. The emotions are not just contained and channeled, but positive, energized, and aligned with the task at hand.

     3.     Dance with your Emotions
"A relationship is like a dance,  says Indian classical dancer Anita Ratnam, "sometimes you are close, sometimes you pull away;  there is passion, anger and forgiveness;  and much like a dance,  the relationship will end one day." 

Every relationship has its share of a range of emotions - most, if not all are impermanent, changing with time, context and our personal and mental growth. Let us make the best of our relationships in our time in the world.

     4.    Accept the Past

"Not surprisingly,  I find myself thinking about that slippery substance - the past - and the infinite variety of human attempts to make peace with it.  The impulse to freeze it into tradition,  to tame into verity,  these are common options.  But just as readily available is that other inconvenient choice,  so seldom exercised - the choice to wonder at it,  too accept it's essential non- graspability." Arundhati Subramaniam in book review of Keki N Daruwala's book Fire Altar in HT

      5.   Accept your Ignorance

"Belief means something that you do not know. You want to assume and bring a certainty to something that you do not know. says Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev.  "That means you are concretising your ignorance.  There is no need to know everything.  What I know, I know. What I do not know I do not know."

       6.    Establish a Routine

For geniuses, a routine was more than a luxury - it was essential for their work…Charles Dickens took three hours walks every afternoon - and what he observed on them fed directly into his writing. Tchaikovsky made do with two hour walks, but wouldn’t return a moment early, convinced that cheating himself of the full 120 minutes would make him ill. Beethoven took lengthy strolls after lunch, carrying a paper and pencil with him in case inspiration struck. Ernest Hemingway tracked his daily word output on a chart “so as not to kid myself”. Arthur Miller said, “I don't believe in draining the reservoir you see? I believe in getting up from the typewriter, away from it,  while I have still things to say.” 

        7.    Measure What You Can Control

Film director Ashutosh Gowarikar's advice to  actor Abhishek Bacchan - do not measure your success by how your film fares at the box office - because that is not within your control.  Measure your success by how you fared with the goals you set yourself for the film. Their success is within your control.

         8.     Be Resilient
"The hardest time to Captain the team is when your are not scoring runs and that's when your character and of leader you are outweighs your own form. The team needs the Captain to be a strong person who enjoys other people's success and sees the bigger picture. " Brendon McCullum, New Zealand skipper.

         9.      Create Lasting Emotional Bonds 

"In every situation, says Deepak Chopra, make it a habit to ask the key questions of emotional intelligence: How do I feel? How do they feel? What are the hidden stumbling blocks? A leader who can answer these questions will be in a position to create lasting emotional bonds.” 

Call to Action

The result of undertaking the practice of the four-way win is a greater sense of control and freedom living in ways that are consistent with what you're passionate about, what you really care about. When people take even a small step that's under their control, that's intentional and that's in a direction that they choose, they feel better about their lives and about the people they're affecting with their actions on a daily basis.